Expectations 😘

Growing up I never really dreamed of being a mother, I never yearned for a family or a child of my own. I always assumed I would have a career, maybe get married, and then adopt. Boy did I have my future all mixed up. I would never have guessed I would be in the situation I am as a single mother, whose life revolves around her child, who literally has a panic attack just about everyday, even over a lost eyelash. (What if it never grows back!!!!)

I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. I adore her. I know every freckle on her body, I know every little gap in her teeth, I can tell when she's happy, and love her even when she is angry with me(her pouty face is one of my favorites), her huge perfectly shaped feet have been kissed by my lips a million times, and her laugh since the very first one brings tears of happiness to my eyes. As a girl I could have never imagined the love I would have for this little person from the very first time I saw her. I could have never prepared myself for the hours cried on the first day of school, or the three weeks of tears shed while pumping milk on my lunch breaks at work. I would never have imagined the crazy mother bear that comes out of me when I see someone picking on my child, or tripping her on purpose in the line at school. My daughter is my world. I'd give my life for her and I have devoted all of my time to her. She is a true blessing.

I recently found out someone very close to me is going to be a Mommy and I am so very happy and so very excited for her but at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. I know she is capable but I just wish I could explain to her what it is going to be like, I wish I could prepare her for that feeling you get the first time you lay eyes on your child and you realize that your heart is now on the outside of your body, your heart is soon going to be walking and talking, depending on not only you but everyone around you, it's scary and it's hard and it's wonderful and it's amazing and it's beautiful all at the same time! I know she will see it once the baby is here but I hope she's able to understand it and not be overwhelmed. People often want things they aren't ready for, but sometimes the things you aren't ready for and didn't think you wanted were just what you needed. It's just a hard job, and one you devote your life too. I know now that I was meant to be Layla's mommy and I could not imagine life without her and her crazy smiles! I hope that my friend learns and grows and enjoys motherhood as much as I do. Because it truly is the greatest gift whether you have adopted which was my dream or you have given birth which has been my reality. Some women are just born to be mothers.

***This post was inspired by a dear friend and loving wonderful mother Rachael Neville. The poem you shared held a deeper meaning than you know. Love you Rae, our drop of golden sun!