Layla's Thanksgiving

I try to make it a point to explain each Holiday or event to Layla in a way she can understand. She has been very inquisitive lately, asking literally hundreds of questions a day it seems! To make her better understand Thanksgiving we did a few thankful crafts.

The first craft was a turkey craft that we did a few days before Thanksgiving. We cut out lots of different feathers and dedicated each one to something that was very important to her. At first she didn't quite know what to say, I had to explain there is no right or wrong she just had to look in her heart. Before long she had filled out every feather and we had to make more! Slowly we both realized how many wonderful people we have in our life. She was so proud of her girl turkey (she gave her eyelashes) that she showed her off to everyone! It made us all feel special because she made sure to add almost everyone she knew!

Our second craft was for our whole family. we thought of it at the last minute and didn't have the best supplies but we made it work. We took the time to cut out slices of "pumpkin pie" on poster board and everyone who came to dinner had to write what they were most thankful for when they arrived. It was nice because she made the first slice then slowly as everyone showed up the pie began to look whole. The very last slice was filled in by my little sister and Layla's best friend who had to work and was the last one to show up. It ended up being a very sweet and fun way to show everyone how much they meant to us as well as find out what's most important to our family. From Jack the horse, wonderful neighbors, good friends, God's love, video Games, and family it was something that made us all smile! I'm sure it'll be something we will continue for years to come.

I think it'll be nice for Layla and her cousins to remember how we as adults made it a point to be grateful and appreciate what we have. I try to let her know how lucky we are everyday but these little things we do as a family will always stick with them as well as us. I love the quote "our children will remember what we do more than what we say" and I wholeheartedly believe that. They are always watching so we must try to set a good example everyday not just one day a year! That one day a year is just an added bonus!

Thankful!

This year has definitely been full of ups, downs, tears, laughter, and learning.
Everyday has lead us to where we are today so I have to say that I am honestly very thankful for 2012.

 I have learned more about who I am as a person, as a mother, as a friend. I have learned how to cry and laugh and accept things I cannot change. I have got to watch my daughter grow and experience new things, make friends of her own, try a new sport, experience school for the first time, turn 4, and even pet a flamingo! She is in that transition between being a toddler and a little girl and I have to say that I am very impressed by what a sweet, gracious, loving little girl she is. She has the sweetest heart, biggest smile, and an eager mind! I am thankful for the wonderful people that surround us, we have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends the world has to offer and seem to make more everywhere we go! I am a firm believer that you can never have enough friends!! I just feel lucky today. So happy. So content. Things may be all messed up and not the way I expected them to be by now but in time I know everything will work itself out and I'm thankful I finally understand that. 

 Goofy girl!

 Strawberry BFFs 

 

 First time at the book fair!

 Best friends and cousins!

 New baby cousins!

Exploring our own backyard!

A Birthday full of surprises! 

Time with her favorite Aunt Demmie!

 Halloween with her cousins!

 Cousin Love!

 Halloween!

Time with her Great Grandma!

 

Skyping to stay in touch!

 

Movies with Mammie!

 

New best friends!

 

Pure joy. One of my favorite pictures all year!

Expectations 😘

Growing up I never really dreamed of being a mother, I never yearned for a family or a child of my own. I always assumed I would have a career, maybe get married, and then adopt. Boy did I have my future all mixed up. I would never have guessed I would be in the situation I am as a single mother, whose life revolves around her child, who literally has a panic attack just about everyday, even over a lost eyelash. (What if it never grows back!!!!)

I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. I adore her. I know every freckle on her body, I know every little gap in her teeth, I can tell when she's happy, and love her even when she is angry with me(her pouty face is one of my favorites), her huge perfectly shaped feet have been kissed by my lips a million times, and her laugh since the very first one brings tears of happiness to my eyes. As a girl I could have never imagined the love I would have for this little person from the very first time I saw her. I could have never prepared myself for the hours cried on the first day of school, or the three weeks of tears shed while pumping milk on my lunch breaks at work. I would never have imagined the crazy mother bear that comes out of me when I see someone picking on my child, or tripping her on purpose in the line at school. My daughter is my world. I'd give my life for her and I have devoted all of my time to her. She is a true blessing.

I recently found out someone very close to me is going to be a Mommy and I am so very happy and so very excited for her but at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. I know she is capable but I just wish I could explain to her what it is going to be like, I wish I could prepare her for that feeling you get the first time you lay eyes on your child and you realize that your heart is now on the outside of your body, your heart is soon going to be walking and talking, depending on not only you but everyone around you, it's scary and it's hard and it's wonderful and it's amazing and it's beautiful all at the same time! I know she will see it once the baby is here but I hope she's able to understand it and not be overwhelmed. People often want things they aren't ready for, but sometimes the things you aren't ready for and didn't think you wanted were just what you needed. It's just a hard job, and one you devote your life too. I know now that I was meant to be Layla's mommy and I could not imagine life without her and her crazy smiles! I hope that my friend learns and grows and enjoys motherhood as much as I do. Because it truly is the greatest gift whether you have adopted which was my dream or you have given birth which has been my reality. Some women are just born to be mothers.

***This post was inspired by a dear friend and loving wonderful mother Rachael Neville. The poem you shared held a deeper meaning than you know. Love you Rae, our drop of golden sun!

Wake Up Call

The heart is a complicated little organ. Growing up you don't realize how messed up things can become and you always have an opinion on what you think someone should do, or how a situation should be handled. I never understood how someone could hurt their spouse and the other person would stay. I know that we all have little things we wish we could have and would have done differently and I have a list a mile long in recent years. My problem is I got out of a mentally agonizing relationship almost a year ago, not because I didn't love the other person but because he isn't good for me. And he's not stable enough to be there for himself let alone our daughter. He has had problems with drugs, depression, and keeping a job. When he is himself we have a great relationship and he is a great dad but when he is not its the complete opposite of great. When the not greats out weighed the greats for far too long I finally left. Do I love him any less, the answer is no. Am I going to be with him, the answer is no. I can't be with him because he is not himself. I know I will never be able to let go of what we have been through and I will never trust him enough to open up to him again. But I still love him so either I am crazy and I need help or I'm beginning to think that's just life. You can pray and pray for something to change and things to be perfect but if that's not what God wants for you it's just not going to work. Layla and I are finally happy. We have a great relationship and she is a sweet, caring, loving, amazing little lady. She loves her Daddy but she is Mama's girl. Which is a lot like me so I guess I can't complain. I don't know what is in store for us and I know seeing Layla's dad dating other people will never be easy for me. I will never be able to look at him and not just want to shake him into waking up and being the person I know he can be. I can't change him, I can't make him let go of the things he clings to in life. What I can do is be a good role model to our daughter, love her, hug her, teach her right from wrong, encourage her to be open and share her feelings, and try to let her have a relationship with him when he's willing. I can change the way I see things, I can trust in God and his plan, I can look at myself in the mirror and say I am doing the best I can to make sure my daughter has a happy home. My heart will probably always be confused and throw me for a loop and I'm sure there are many people men and women who can relate to that. Loving someone and letting them go is tough but for me right now it's the right thing to do.